Tuesday, September 21, 2004

I love football...!!

WE WON, BALTIMORE WON!!!, I want to go to more games...


made my wishlist! you don't have to get me ANYthing for my b-day... so i'd have made this thing in vain...

Shoelaces :-P

The Cure Patch

Smashing Pumpkins Patch

Lil’ Dickie!

Misfits Pillowcase (the coolest thing I’ve ever seen)

The Killers – Hot Fuss
Misfits – Walk Among Us
Taking Back Sunday – Where you want to be
The Doors – L.A. Woman

Monday, September 20, 2004

Ewww The Wind Feels Good Against My Unclothed Skin.... LMFAO, WTF?

~Phantom Planet-Big Brat~
I CAN'T WAIT INTILL HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be a Snow Faery or The Faery of Winter. I think I will be The Faery of Winter because if I were to be a Snow Faery it would be like there's more than one like Snow Faeries are common, as opposed to if I was The Faery of Winter there's only one and it kind of sounds like I'm the Queen Faery of all things of Winter and coldness. See what I mean?
~The Offspring-Self-esteem~
Dorkenya was all making fun of me because I was grounded. Guess what? Now she's grounded! HA! That's what she gets! No, I'm kidding. Being grounded really isn't that bad, though. I imagine it's worse for her thought.
~Mushroomhead-Sund Doesn't Rise~
Well, there really isn't much to talk about except I got a 42/50 on my Drivers Ed quiz. That's WAY better than it was before. I have a Drivers Ed test tomorrow now that I think about it. You should see our packets. It's like 500 times the usual size of a packet. It's crazy.
I wonder if I could arrange a little get together for Halloween... Maybe we can all go to a party or somethin'. I KNOW I'm dressing up for it but, I don't what I'm going to DO. Hmmmm. Maybe by then I'll be on a date with some guy, that's a nice thought. Doubtful. Very doubtful. I'll see if Krissy would be doing anything with Josh. Then I'll see what my Dorks are doing...
Don't you like how difficult I am making it to read this? Maybe it's not difficult but it sure is strange.....

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Is Life What You Make It?

In my opinion life is what you make it. Bad thing is my worst fear is that I will be the one holding myself back from being happy, that I will be what destroys me in the end. :sigh: I have a self-destructive streak. If I think that I will fail at something I make myself fail, I deliberately try to just so I won't be surprised when I eventually do fail. Does that make sense? I don't think that there is a thing as fate. I believe that there is somthing like it, but I believe that humans can do things to mess it up and change things. So, if life is what you make it then why can't I make myself get over my fears and self-destructiveness? I don't know. I just have to keep living and maybe by experience or time I can make myself stronger. Time will tell.
I don't think that life comes to you. I think you come to life. You make your life. Your life is what it is because of you. But, as in everything, there are loop holes. You can no longer change how your parents did things that effect your life, then you can control whether or not tomorrow the sky will suddenly be red. You've got to continue living though. And make the best of it. Some people may not be able to do that yet, or ever in that case, that's them. You can only decide for yourself what you're going to do. Everyone is different. This may not concern anyone who reads this.
I'm just ranting and rambling and that's okay because I'm allowed to!

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Just letting you know...

The name of my blog has changed. But it's still the same. I just wanted something that, I dunno...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry I couldn't be there)

Me And My Englsih Civil Wars Essay.

I am supposed to be writing my English Civil Wars Essay.. But whoes to say I'm not?.. Just taking a little break. Weel all, yes, I am grounded. For the first time in all my young years I am grounded. Why? You may be thinking. Well, it is simply because I wasn't where I was supposed to be or with who I was supposed to be with. It is completely innocent I tell you.
My mom was going to make me go home and noone wanted that to happen so Bethy came to school with some advice. She says "Get into as much trouble as you can today" the idea being if I screw up enough she won't want me to come home. It worked but I'm still in trouble with my grandparents.
What happened:
That morning Todd asked me if he could walk downtown with me, I go sure, I don't care. So, we were walking on 42(a highway)and grandma drove by from work.. I could've just walked home and played it off but instead I continued my wak downtown with Todd. Because I knew my grandma would come looking for me. For one, I lied, I had told her I would be home late because I was at school studying math. For two, I was walking down the street with a boy. Not just a boy. A boy she did not know and a boy I had never mentioned to her. When me and Todd got downtown we met Jesse(<3)> We sat down and talked, Jesse and Todd talked more.. In about 10-15 minutes I saw my grandparents drive by. I knew I would get into more trouble if I ran,so, I ran. When I got home they were waiting for me. They were very angry. I had lied. I had hung out with two guys by myself. Not just any guys, guys that looked like "freaks" and "druggies" in their words. To be honest I wouldn't have expected anything more. Even if they had met them before hand I still wouldn't be able to hang out with them, not with Jesse's piercings and dyed mowhawk. I don't know for how long I am grounded. And.. I won't ask.
I feel fat.. And ugly.. And oily..And slutty.. And untrustworthy. I really do feel bad for betraying their trust. But I really didn't want to go home.
I can't believe I touched the pond.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Did I miss something??

Where has everyone gone??? No one's posting anymore. And the side bar thingy isn't there anymore. Did something happen and I didn't know about it?? I'm confused. Well I hope this shows up, 'cause maybe that's what's up. You think??? Hmmm...

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

@ Skool

Hey everyone, I'm here at school. Just typing away. The bells about to ring. I just wanted to see if this would actually work. Anywho... I've run out of thoughts...again....darn it.... *@%*$%^#$

Monday, September 13, 2004

I've Met The Sandman.. Very Alluring, He Is.

Yesterday, I was almost ran over. I was passed caring if I angered someone by walking "out of turn" and making them stop to let me pass. It really didn't faze me. I walked down to the gazebo and sat, I cried. I thought. I looked around for someone-anyone. Noone was there. I felt alone. I HATE that feeling. That feeling you get when you think the only person that's in the world is you and you don't belong to anything, to noone, you don't even belong to yourself because you just feel so disgusting. I haven't felt that in awhile but certain questions of life came yesterday and took me off guard. It tore away my sheild of "I'm not totally confused and lost" and showed my true inside of not knowing and of just downright weakness. Another feeling I hate. That feeling when someone has stripped you of your barriers and exposed your insecurities and inner struggles you take comfort in because only you know them and noone else can manipulate them and hurt you by using them. I usually don't get mad at people when things happen that are bad, inless it was totally the person(s) fault. I usually get angry at how life can be so horrible to people.
I had to run the mile today. Oh fun. Fun, fun. Can't you sense my joyfullness? My expression of pure excitement and thrill? I act a cetain way around guys. I act the same around them all. It's still me, not being fake or anything but I act just a tad different then I would with my friends that are girls. I think that Todd may be getting the wrong impression from me. I think he may think I'm flirting with him and it would be really bad if he thought that because, I'm not. He's cool as a friend but I don't know about more. I actually I do know about more. He's not my type. So there would be no "more" with me and Todd.
~Nirvana-You Know Your Right~
The other day, I think, I was talking to Dorkenya and she had some of her sisters lotion on and she goes "I want to do my hands". ROTFL. When Bethy gets excited or happy over something she says "I want to do____(whatever it/he was)". Except when she said this is sounded like she wanted to masterbate. LOL. So funny, my friends. I <3>

Sunday, September 12, 2004





My Wishlist

Nirvana greatest hits cd
Curt Cobain shirt at Hot Topic or a Nirvana shirt
Anything to do with a faery or care bears:patches, pins, jewelry, stickers- anything
3 days grace shirt http://www.merchmonkey.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=mer&Product_Code=3DG-001&Category_Code=3DG
foundation(liquid or powder)
a saddle bag or messenger bag
The cd by Disturned that has 'down with the sickness' on it

Friday, September 10, 2004

"I Miss You..."

lol, sry I haven't been bloging as much as I should. After all, this is a DAILY thing (as G puts it, :-p ). But yea, I should. Anyway...Dude, I'm so lost for words when it comes to things like these. Like I think of things that I'm going to say, or I'll have things I want to get out. But whenever I go to write them, I can't remember what I was going to say. Darn it...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I saw Bethy's friend Mike today! It was so freakin' hilarious 'cause I see him and go "OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG" repeatedly. And he turned around and looked at me probably thinking "What they floof is goin' on with that chick?" But after his friend(Jesse's girlfriend by the way) left I went up and asked him "Is your name Mike?" And he goes "Yeah"
Me:Your friends with Beth, right?
Me:She's been looking for you, she saw you on the first day and you kinda disapeared
Mike:Yeah I live in -------- (some place)now
Me:Ohh.. and you came to school for one day?
Mike:I came to see if I would be allowed to go to this school, I couldn't so...
Me:Oh that sucks
Mike:Yeah.. where is Beth?
Me:Probably on her bus now, I jsut left her in that hallway in there
Me:I hope my grandma gets here so i don't have to walk in the rain
Mike:I'm surprised Beth doesn't walk
Me:She wants to but I don't think she's allowed
Mike:(says something I don't remember)
Mike:(says something about Todd)
Me:I haven't seen him since this morning, I came up to him really pissed off about something and after I told him he goes 'you need some weed'
Mike:(laughs.. I think)Have you seen Jesse?
Me:Yeah, just a little while ago :points to second floor:
Me:(Says something about why he's here)
Mike:(says something about how he's only here for this week)
Mike:do you know where they usually ahng out after school here?
Me:yeah over there where those doors are:points to those one doors:
Mike:Okay, I'll go check there
Me:okay, bye
Mike:see ya(or something to that effect)

It was funny 'cause I was talkin' all fast and excited and he's talkin' all low and calm and slow. He probably thought I was a rambeling idiot but that's okay.. Somewhere in that convo he said he doesn't have a phone and that he'll get the number from Todd.
Hilarious pink bunnies eating your stomach tissue.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

it's been such a looong time since i posted here. well. here i am. posting.

did anyone know that turkish girls tend to be more boy-crazy than anyone in the world? i know from experience. my friend in turkey is talking to me right now. and so far all she's told me has been about this boy who really likes her but has a gf and she's pondering whether or not he's gonna dump his gf for her. and i, trying not to sound disinterested (although that is what i am), try to console her by saying stuff like "he'll dump her". "you're way better!" and crap. anyways.

i watched pride and prejudice last night. it was the sweetest thing i've ever seen. mr. darcy and miss eliza bennet. it was charming, if i do say so myself... my brother said it went on for 4 hours. and they all had the accent! it was so cute! but i couldn't understand some of the really long, smart speeces eliza or mr. darcy made. and the mother's accent was hopeless. her voice gave me a twitch every time i heard it.


Friday, September 03, 2004


THANK YOU SOO MUCH!!! everyone, for all the wonderful things you got me, I love you all :-D. you know what G, you should be happy that you're not in our 4th block class. Let's just say that. I think I almost fell out of my seat today from laughing. Beth and Shell, you know what I'm talking about, if not, need I remind you of the "Locker Room"...get what I'm saying now?? Anywho, I'm at lost for words. OMG, this is a first...!!!